Being Mom

12/15/2015:

There is no end to what I can say about being a Mom...there aren't enough adjectives, or nouns (or curse words;)...haha.

I became a Mom in January of 1996. 3 months prior, I had just turned 16. This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately as I get closer to 40 and my life has changed so drastically, and new waves of opportunity have come my direction. My ENTIRE life basically has been spent caring for another, and that feels, at times, like a blessing and a curse. But I wouldn't have changed a thing, because I believe everything happens FOR us, not to us....and that includes Mommyhood.

I didn't learn my lesson with only one. I went on to have my 2nd daughter at 18 and my 3rd at 22. I was a baby raising babies, and still feel this way a lot of the time. But as tired as I get on occasion, and only caring for myself and running away sometimes fills my mind, my babies are the BIGGEST reason I am where I am today. It was them that I believe saved me from suicide and certain paths I just turned away from.
Today, we are all best friends. I know, I know...MOM FIRST....and as I have gotten older, I agree. But let me tell you....my girls have been with me through everything. My OWN stages of life. MY lessons learned and NOT learned. They watched me sink to the brink of death and they've seen me rise up to become a completely different human being. It is THAT last part that I hope they keep with them the most.
I have always been completely honest with my girls. I have never sugar coated anything when it came to reality in this life, in MY life.  A part of me sometimes regrets that, but it also has made them tough as shit, and amazing human beings. It's one of the things in life you will know absolutely NOTHING about, until it becomes a part of your life....and there is NOTHING else like it. The challenges, the love, the failures, the pride, the sadness, the betrayals, the hurts and upsets, the successes, the choices and decisions....all apart of being Mom will make a person the strongest person on the planet, but can also make you feel like the biggest piece of shit alive. There never seems to be a balance when it comes to Motherhood, especially because every child is completely different.

On that note....duty calls...;)