Me and Hubby Chad 9/2015
Love and marriage.....love and marriage.....go together like a horse and carriage....this I tell you Broootherr.....you can't have one without the o-ther...
12/16/2015
I have to admit, I have not lived a very independent life. I left home when I was 14 yrs old, straight into the arms of my oldest daughters Dad. Stayed with him until I was 17 yrs old, and one day, he decided to hit me and keep me locked in the bathroom because I wanted to go to the mall with my girlfriend (whom he is now with and fathered a child with btw..ha!) so one thing I CAN say, is I've always respected myself enough to leave a violent situation.
After that I moved to Tucson where I stayed with my Mother for a bit, and quickly met my 2nd Daughters Dad. I wasn't a whore, I promise....just young and really didn't know any other way...leaving home so young. I wanted to be independent, I did...but honestly, I was scared and had no confidence in myself as a single Mother. Me and my second relationship lasted almost 2 years. I married him, and left him 5 months later. Our Daughter was almost a year old. At that time in my life, was the first time I'd really been independent. I had a job that I kept for 4 and half years at the Commissarry on Base, and I got a small apartment. During my previous relationship, I was given a car. A 1990 Geo Metro. It had NO windows and ran like shit, but it's what I had, and I learned to deal and be grateful. Shortly after I got my apartment, I bought a car from my Grandparents. 1994 Chevy Lumina.
My independence was short lived of course. I went through a few more failed relationships before I met my husband through my Ex-Boyfriend, who was in fact, a close friend of his. To be honest, Chad was NOT my cup of tea...and quite frankly, freaked me out...haha. He was a loud, foul- mouthed, 6'6 redneck, who wore cutoff Mickey's t-shirts with Wrangler jeans and Combat Boots...(take that in...lol) He(my ex) AND Chad (my now husband) were both on house arrest (yes, I know how to pick them) and we lived out by Chad's parent's and my boyfriend became violent. I ended up getting me and my girls out and over to Chad's parents' house. After the relationship was over and I got my own apartment once again, me and Chad became good friends. After a few months of friendship, we started a relationship. I was pregnant within a month. Mya, our daughter, was born in July of 2002. The first boy in his family in 27 years! (Another story)
FAST, I know! I certainly struggled with this pregnancy, considering the previous 2 relationships didn't make it and I was raising the kids on my own. But fortunately, Chad was different.
He had two boys of his own from a previous relationship and actually him and his parent's went to court to get custody of his boys. In my eyes....that said alot.
Me and my hubby were together for about 3 years before I made a horrible decision. I came across an old flame, one that I thought I cared for a lot and we began talking. I ended up leaving Chad and going to Phoenix because of this guy, only for it not to work out. But fortunately, I realized while I was away in Phoenix, now alone, with the exception of my Brothers, how much my relationship with Chad truly mean't to me, by the way I missed him so much. He remained my friend through it all. Was he hurt and resentful, well duh...but he loved me that much. I came back home in 2005 after almost a year and a half of being gone.
When I came back, I left everything behind me....the mistakes I'd made, there was absolutely NO memories I cared to hold on to because I KNEW I was where I was supposed to be....but the guilt of what I'd done to Chad cut deep.
Chad had actually asked me to marry him in 2003 and I of course said yes...but then went and made the stupid decision to leave, and hope for greener grass, not realizing, mine was pretty green already. Live and learn right...
Since my return, I can honestly write a book on what me and my hubby have been through together. He's been with me through my worst, standing there and trying to stop me from hurting myself, to both of us becoming addicted to alcohol. He has ALWAYS been my rock. He may have hated me at times (can't blame him), and me hated him as well, but he didn't show it the way he could have, instead, he did what he needed to do to make sure me and the kids were ok. That we always had everything we needed and then some.
In 2012, I went into the hospital because of a mental breakdown. It was there that I decided that alcohol and smoking needed to go. I had already overcome my anxiety and depression pill addiction, lost 87lbs, but the alcohol was still tearing my family apart, tearing ME and Chad apart. I decided that when I left that hospital, I would never pick up another alcoholic beverage or a cigarette again, and that's what I did. I haven't looked back since. BUT...I couldn't remain in a relationship with an alcoholic when I was trying to heal and move on. Our relationship was beyond unhealthy at this point. We still loved each other immensely, it's always been that way, but the alcohol just brought out the worst in us both. I had to give Chad an ultimatum.....me, our relationship, or the alcohol.
This was perhaps one of the hardest decisions I have had to make....EVER. THIS Man, who has stayed with me through it all, highs, lows, and even though he was messed up too....he loved me, we loved each other. He chose me. My husband, a fellow alcoholic, gave up his addiction to keep me, and in January of 2013, also quit smoking.
Now, 2 months before my short stay in the hospital, we were married. After 11 years of being together, on Father's day 2012, we were sitting on the couch watching Carrie Underwood concert on T.V. (yep remember it clear as day) and out of no where, he says "let's get married". I of course shrugged it off, was like "shut up, whatever"....he no longer believed in marriage....so I thought, and because of what I had done years earlier, I accepted his belief, but somewhere it changed for him, and he was dead serious that day.
Of course we celebrated with our alcohol....but my husband made my dream wedding on the beach on Coronado Island in San Diego, happen on August 3, 2012...exactly 11 years after we began our relationship.
We've now been together for 14 years. The happiest and strongest and most SOBER we've EVER been. We've continued to have hiccups, but the love we have for eachother runs so deep. Almost like there is no other way to be, than together. Scares me sometimes, but for now....I'm going to enjoy it.
THIS little short story contains only bits and pieces....and of course, there is SO much in between these parts I've shared. Again, life, I feel, is one big classroom. I believe there are reasons we go through the things we do, meet the people who come in AND out of our lives. There are reasons why some relationships last a lifetime, and some very short, even if they are your blood family. (I'll save that for another blog post).
I plan on sharing whatever comes to mind, heart, body or soul when it comes to being a Wife. To me, it's so hard, yet it can also be so easy if we just don't over analyze and we use common sense. It's definitely a journey, just as being a Husband is, I'm sure.
Stay tuned...
Wendi
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