Biggest Critic

   How true is this?!! Since I started my journey to, well, everything pretty much...haha...actually I guess I should say when I turned the page in my life, I started a new chapter....I'll call it, Chapter 5....  I decided I was ready to move forward and let go of things killing me, literally, and decided it was time to learn to trust in faith, trust in myself, my abilities, and what I didn't realize at the time was how much would actually be involved in this process!

In the past few years, since I've been sober, and have found my passion and purpose, one of the things I have come to love the most is inspiring others, motivating them. This is one of those things I didn't realize I could do. In fact, the thought of posting a picture of myself, or actually being myself with heartfelt words, especially on Social Media, made me want to vomit. Main reason being....I was so fearful of judgement and criticism, and don't get me wrong, I continue to fear this, but only in person now...ha!
But, as the years have gone by, I've seen how what I share impacts others. For myself, I've always felt like words are either the best things in my world, or the worst. They have lifted me up, and literally, might as well have, buried me 6 feet under. The impact is immense.

It's crazy because words seem to just flow out of me. I will be honest, because of my past, and the mental abuse, I seriously thought I was dumb. Like I didn't know anything...not smart at all, but I did know, I could talk to people about anything, and lift them up. It seems like almost every girl, or woman, and even men sometimes I've come across, if a subject came up that was affecting their life, I could actually relate in some sort of way, it's hard to think it's possible, because I'm only 36...haha. But the feeling I get, when I see my words affecting them in a positive way...oh man....if I could bottle it up, it would be a cure all.

This morning was as usual, I have been down on myself because of some injuries going on. I am a bit of a control freak, especially when it comes to my routine, and my health and fitness. I posted a picture with a saying on it, and as I posted it, I fell back into a pattern. The "not good enough" pattern. Here is the picture I posted along with what I said:

Facebook post:

"If you TRULY want to make changes, you will. If you TRULY want results, you'll get them. If you TRULY want a different life, you'll get it. If you TRULY want that new job position, you'll have it. If you TRULY want to pull yourself out of the situation you're in, you will. If you TRULY want to let go of the past, you will. If you TRULY want to lose 50 lbs, you will. 
You have to BE the change before you can SEE the change.
When we TRULY want something, we put aside any and every excuse to get it, we find a way....but the decision must be made, set in stone so -to-speak...as in no looking back, a done deal.
Just a thought on this freezing Thursday...smile emoticon
Have a great day!"


First thought I had: "Ugh. I look like shit."
Second thought I had: "People seriously must hate my posts by now, I'm sure it's getting old."
Third thought I had: " Maybe I should stop posting pictures of myself, it probably looks like I'm flaunting or bragging....I don't want that....ugh."
Fourth thought I had: " I hope this doesn't actually discourage people from pushing harder. I've been there, it can be discouraging sometimes, if we think about how far we have to go VS. how far we've come."
Fifth thought I had: "Wendi, shut the hell up. You need to take your own advice here. You're not posting about a beauty contest here, you are trying to inspire and motivate people, now shut up, it's the WORDS that matter the most."

I know...I sound crazy...haha. But you know what...shortly after I posted, I got a comment from an old friend. Someone else who had took his control back and dropped quite a bit of weight,....yes...a guy!! We used to party with him, and he commented on how inspiring my posts always are, and how he can actually FEEL what I'm saying. Ok...WOW!
Hello!! I'm over here criticizing something that is HELPING people.....literally.

Why? I'm guessing because I still need to get over my shit.....which I have a lot, but I am a FIRM believer in being who I preach about. I am as real as they come, and I'm human. I'm not here to be perfect, no one even want's perfect.....something else I've learned.

I will continue to urge other's to move forward, and I will BE that urge!

If you're as hard on yourself as I am....STOP! Take a minute to realize that even though you may not feel powerful, or important to others, you ARE. Every single one of us has so much power inside to become what we desire to become and help who we desire to help, just by the way we speak, the words we say and share.
Choose wisely.

Much love to ya,

Wendi